To Whom It May Concern,
As of August 2011, Wally Wacom... has died. I'm sorry to say that it wasn't pleasant. This isn't easy for me to say, but he died at my hand. He drowned in a near-BP-sized coffee spill. If it had been plain black coffee, he may had of survived. However, this coffee was thick with cream, sugar, and even cocoa. Even after a good drying out period, he didn't respond. The guilt rests on me and me alone. In his last will in testament, he had named me godfather of his son, Stevie Stylus. I swear I'll take care of him, Wally. We'll miss you.